What is a eulogy?
What is a eulogy? It’s a factual story written about the person who has died. This eulogy is presented at their funeral, memorial service, or a gathering to celebrate their life. The eulogy is something that we can organise and / or write ourselves whilst we are alive. Writing your own eulogy is a way for you to tell your life story in your own way. It can also be written by family members and or friends after we have died. It can be written for us by a professional. The eulogy is a central part of a funeral service, a celebration of life ceremony, or a memorial ceremony.
A eulogy is:
- An opportunity to honour, respect and celebrate the person’s life.
- A comfort to family and friends when remembering fun times, shared memories and stories. There may also be some surprise moments when little-known memories are lovingly shared.
- A chance to remember the essence of the person, who they were, what they have achieved in life, what they believed in and the values they held dear.
- A chance to think of the person, keeping their memory alive in your hearts and minds.
Writing your own eulogy.
Writing your own eulogy can be a beautiful thing to do. You can reflect on your own life, your memories, your relationships, the people you know, the places you have been, and the things you have done and learned throughout your life.
In writing your own eulogy, you can choose how your life will be represented at your funeral, what your last wishes will be, and who will carry them out for you.
Some people keep journals. scrapbooks and photograph albums of their lives. These items can be very helpful to dip into when writing your own eulogy.
Writing your own eulogy can be driven by experiences you’ve had.
Writing your own eulogy is often something that people consider when reflecting on their life. It may be that they have just said farewell to a loved one who has died, and they found the whole process of preparing for the funeral a struggle. Thinking about someone after their funeral is often the time when our minds turn to the thoughts surrounding our own death and funeral.
Some people write their own eulogy throughout their lives, adding to it as they go, as this is the way they are wired; organised, particular, and wanting their own lives represented in the way they see themselves.
Writing your eulogy is something you might want to discuss with your family.
Writing your own eulogy can be a fun thing to do. Some couples write their eulogies together in a relaxed atmosphere, sharing their stories, so they can have beautiful, shared moments to include in their own eulogies. Talking about the end of your life and what you want your last wishes to be can be very powerful for you.
You might want to share information with other close family members, too. You may wish to share your storytelling / \eulogy writing with your family, or you may wish it to be kept private until the day of the ceremony. Either way, if you can, it’s a good idea to talk to your family about your decision.
Oftentimes, eulogies include moments that can cause both tears and laughter; these are human reactions and are perfectly normal at a funeral.
Chatting with Peter to help him write his own eulogy.
What should I consider when writing my own eulogy?
When writing their eulogy, some people have had the experience of hearing a eulogy that they feel didn’t reflect the person it was written for. It is helpful to think about how you want to be remembered.
As well as humorous anecdotes and recounts of fun nights out or holidays that will never be forgotten, your eulogy is a narrative of who you are. Who you are, what your values are, and how your life impacts the lives of others. Writing your own eulogy is an opportunity to describe yourself honestly, with gravitas and integrity, as well as with fun.
- Do you have dependents you want to include in your stories
- Are you a family person?
- Do you have a social conscience?
- Are you a private person?
- How do you want to be remembered?
What things can you include when you are writing your own eulogy?
When you are writing your own eulogy, lots of things can be included; the choice really is yours; it’s about you after all. When working with families or individuals who are writing their own eulogies, I suggest some memory jogs to keep their thoughts and writings authentic. Humour and adventures often feature in eulogies. When writing your own eulogy, it’s good to think about things you could include:
- Where you were born, who were you brought up with.
- Interests, achievements, hobbies, holidays.
- Favourite memories, favourite colour, favourite flower, favourite place, favourite food
- Favourite Songs, stories & musical tastes, perhaps theatre or concert trips you’ve been on that meant a lot to you.
- The legacies you leave behind: love, kindness, social conscience, devoted relationships.
When working on your eulogy, I will spend time getting to know you and talking about your life story, where you grew up, your family, and friends. This storytelling is important because it helps listeners on the day of your ceremony get a sense of who you are. You may have added funny stories from your childhood, teenage years, or more recent tales. There may be holiday memories, your engagement and marriage stories, whatever you wish to include.
Sometimes people give me a list of things they have thought about, e.g., school days, Guiding or Scouting movements, ATC or Army Cadets, judo, trampolining, ballet, musical activities, Drama classes, knitting or crochet, cross stitch and tapestry. Often, the list is amazing and very revealing of a person’s life. Perhaps one of the most beautiful stories I learned about was the Grandpa who had been in the Navy. He learned how to knit and darn his socks and jumpers; when his children were born, he knitted their baby layette – he was the family go-to for all things knitting; he taught ALL of his children and grandchildren to knit. Such a talented man, with no qualms about sharing his skills and achievements. It was his express wish that the throws he had knitted be given to the local care homes to keep people in the day rooms warm; they were to be communal blankets. They were very gladly received. The Grandpa in this was so proud of his achievements and legacy that he wanted them recalled and remembered in his eulogy. His family were very proud of Grandad too.
This list isn’t exhaustive, nor does it need to be slavishly followed. It’s not a tick list; just prompts to help you write your own eulogy.
Who will present your eulogy when the time comes?
Writing your own eulogy can be a lovely thing to do. It is part of the final tribute to you at the end of your life. Who do you want to present your eulogy to? Will it be part of a service in Church? At the Crematorium? At a graveside or at another venue? You may have organised a funeral plan with a Funeral director.
Part of my role as a celebrant is to assist families and friends to say goodbye to their person who has died. I can help you prepare your own eulogy for inclusion in the ceremony of your choice, and I can lead the ceremony for your family. If your ceremony is to be in church, I can present the eulogy during the service on your behalf. Alternatively, you may wish to have your eulogy delivered by a family member or close friend; you may leave your family the choice of who will read the ceremony when the time comes.
If I write my own eulogy, how do I know that my wishes will be met?
Writing your own eulogy gives you peace of mind that only the things you really want shared in your eulogy will be shared.
If possible, it is a good idea to have open conversations with family members so that they know what you are planning. End-of-life conversations can be had, too. Just because we talk about death doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen imminently; chatting about what we’d like to happen is a healthy thing to do. As your loved ones will be beginning their own grief journey when the time comes, knowing that your Eulogy is prepared can offer them peace of mind, it allows them the opportunity to decide other parts of your ceremony.
As your celebrant, your eulogy [and ceremony] will be kept with me, ready for me to deliver your ceremony when the time comes. A copy may also be held by your Funeral Director. Your wishes will be recorded and kept alongside the other paperwork we share.
If you would like to discuss anything from this blog, please contact me.